j85

So, Zepeng is back in Melbourne…before we went to uni together yest to do some admin stuff…he commented that i should invest in polo shirts..reason being that i’m getting older and shouldnt keep wearing t-shirts….apparently, wearing polo shirts is more befitting of my age…..

obviously..i disputed the fact for VERY obvious reasons…i’m not old…..

And the interesting thing is..that very night, my mum gave me a call….and somehow, she said something on the lines of when i go back to singapore next week, i should buy shirts/polo shirts and not too many tshirts…and guess wat was the reason she gave….yeap, no prize for guessing it right…buy polo shirts because i’m growing older and therefore look better in polo shirts….

she added that my elder brother has been turning to shirts as well rather than t-shirts, indicating that as one ages, one goes for shirts…..

My only comment: who on earth stipulated that as one grows older, you have to wear polo shirts?! LOL!!!!

And the interesting thing is…when i start thinking of those who are older than me who wear polo shirts…i can only think of one….KEVIN LIEW……WAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA!!!!!

oh wells…dont care…i buy what i like to wear…hehehehehehez!

if i wear polo shirt, it’s not a confession or admission that i’m old..but rather it’s because i like the design.

Period.

^_^

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

~C.S. Lewis

The month of Dec has been a long time of pondering, reflecting, praying, evaluating and seeking…..(partly contributing to the fact that i couldnt really be bothered to blog..cause i didnt wanna say anything..)

Was having a catch up with one of the senior leaders in church and she told me this, “Jason, you need to love yourself more.” She added “you need to reward yourself more often (need not necessarily be in monetary terms)”

And i thought to myself, “how true..”

I havent been quite loving myself much over the past year. I despise my incapabilities. I hate my shortcomings. I envy the gifts that people have which i dont. I scorn at the way of how i behave sometimes. I condemn myself for my imperfections. I’m insecure of myself, often finding myself trying to seek the approval of those close to me (ouch…painful to confess, but at least i dare to confess it.. =)  )

Loving others wasnt an issue. Loving myself is. I treated myself harshly, often condemning myself whenever i think i did something wrong. Perhaps this is where all my low self esteem came from….even my supervisors dont quite understand why my self esteem is so low…even though they’re often impressed by the work I produce….maybe i’m just too harsh on myself, setting standards for myself that are too high, even for myself to attain.

I hate myself for being controlling and uptight about things and people. And what i detest more is how this mucked up attitude of mine have affected the people around me….i did the very thing that i didnt want to do towards others….

I cried in my room last sat night…because i realised, over the year…i slowly lost the very thing that i had always wanted to maintain: childlike simplicity.

I want that childlikeness back. I dont want to complicate things. I dont want to make life tough for myself. I dont want to be entangled in knots.

I want to love myself more. Not because of who I am, but because of who I am in Him.

I know i’m imperfect. So i shall love my imperfections.

Time to keep my eyes on the author and perfecter of my faith….and not on anything else.

year 2010, i want to love myself and treat myself better.

An authoritative bible is not the enemy of a personal relationship with God. It is the precondition for it. If you pick and choose what you want to believe and reject the rest, how will you ever have a God who can contradict you? You won’t! A God, essentially, of your own making, and not a God with whom you can have a relationship and genuine interaction.
Only if your God can say things that outrage you and make you struggle (as in a real friendship or marriage) will you know that you have got hold of a real God and not a figment of your imagination.

(Taken from a book which I read last year and am just reminded of again….)

I have a lot to say…but i dont feel like writing or saying it..

so i guess i shall just leave no words….

and perhaps it will be quite some time b4 i write something on this blog…so yea….

bb

Today was by no means any easy for me to get through… I stopped working at abt 1130pm…

At ard noon, things got a little heated up between my supervisor and myself and my other supervisor had to intervene later in the arvo just to calm me down… Bad stuff happens when u t pressured by 2 big deadlines…the pressure was kinda tipping point… Never felt so stressed b4…

But I had a reason to smile today… Cause I m absolutely touched by the support of my lifegrp members who invited me out for lunch and dinner to just spend time with me and take my mind off work… And then the 3 SMS from Calvin, javin and Zep…

Thank u all 4 the support…

Tartz, Ngoo, ting ting, steph, Mei, Calvin, javin, zep, Jane … Thank u all

You all gave me a reason to smile on wat is no doubt, been an unbearable week

Was just doing some reflection and pondering this morning as I woke up.

We live in a very practical world. And to some extent, we get to pick who our friends are. We avoid making friends with people whose habits or lifestyle are a little uncomfortable for us.

Even with very close friends around us, there are bound to be certain aspects of close friends that perhaps arent perfect. But who says that only perfect friends can be close friends? I know I’m a close friend to some, but I do concede that in these friendships, there are perhaps certain aspects of my life that are not too ‘comfortable’ or ‘pleasing’ with them. it could be the way I think, the way I act, my attitude and behavior towards life.

And i do admit that sometimes in such friendships, i’m afraid of losing a close friend (as like before…) because of who I am and what I do…

And a soft voice spoke into my heart as I was thinking of all these…the voice said “Love accepts the weaknesses of friends.”

What a cliche and simple line. BUt what power it wielded as this thought entered my mind.

And immediately i was directed to all the ‘flaws’ and the ‘imperfections’ of the close friends that I have.

And I realised…despite these ‘weaknesses’ in these close friends of mine, I’m close with them because I’ve made a choice to love them, and to honour them and to accept them no matter what.

I’ve chosen to let love conquer everything else….

For all are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Was looking through my photo album and i came across the rabbits that my brother and i had in Msia..well..my bro bought the rabbits for a friend at that time..but it was at our place for a few days.

there were 2 rabbits..a white one and a brown one. White one was called Cuddles and brown one was called Brownie.

I really hated Cuddles..cause it gave me so much trouble then. I remembered that I cleaned up the house one fine morning and I went to Sunway Pyramid for my usual bowling training practice. Before i left, i made sure that the rabbits were locked up properly in the cage.

When i came back home in the afternoon, as i opened the door…i saw Cuddles standing OUTSIDE the cage..and without exagerrating, Cuddles was waving at me with one of its paws (or legs or hands or watever you call that..). I dropped my bowling stuff and started to chase after Cuddles around the house but I couldnt. It ran so fast! And it kept hiding underneath the sofa where I coudlnt reach it. No matter how i cornered it or trapped it, it always slipped through my hands and legs! After 15 mins, i gave up..called my brother, told him to come home from work and catch it and lock it up.

While waiting for my bro to come home…i walked around the house and found that it had pee-ed at one corner of the kitchen, and did its big business at another spot in the kitchen!!!!!

Hated Cuddles…..it was naughty…hahahaha!

But now thinking back..i kinda miss him now….so here’s a photo of how it looked like =)

Was talking to someone from Msia who’s sitting for SPM..and here’s how he defines SPM

Stupid Paper in Msia

set by

Stupid People in Msia

done by

Smart Pupils in Msia….

And the philosophy behind SPM is

Simple, Pass, that’s all that Matters…

So here you go…SPM =)

For the record, Jun Xiong was the one who said all these..AHAHAHA

Updated a few things on my blog

(i) Updated research update.

(ii) Added songs to Hillsongs, Chris Tomlin and Worship

(iii) Added a new page: Chinese Pop Songs. Just a couple of current chinese songs that I like. ^_^ Will expand that list when i have more time..hahaha